change of plans

so in the fall of 1970 we lived in a duplex that was just the right size for the 2 of us. neighbors in the house were a young couple & their little girl. as i said in a prior post, Deb was cordial but only if Dave wasn't with her.

during this time David was working at a furniture company & i was the stay-at-home mama to be. we were sooo happy...our first real place together that seemed stable, secure even.

the mood was occasionally interupted by the pesky angry note in our mailbox in a printed hand saying such as : 'n----- go home', 'this is a white neighborhood', or 'white woman you are a ----- to be with him'.

the area, Poly, was somewhat mixed, race-wise, but most folks on our street were white. so it could have been anyone though no one had confronted us openly.

[aside FYI: it IS a federal offense to put anything in a

personal mailbox unless you are an official postal worker.]

we had, of course, been dealing with this sort of thing since the beginning of our relationship, so it was not a surprise - more of a disappointment that people can be so full of hate. and for no reason that we knew.

well one fine day while the spouses were at work Deb came over - she said she needed to tell me something. in tears, she apologized for her husband, saying it was he who had written those hate notes. the shame she felt was palpable. she did not want us to think that she had anything to do with it, that her views were not as narrow.

i assured her that i did not mistake the beliefs, feelings & behaior of her spouse for hers.

we had a good chat but both knew it would need to be a secret one.

a few weeks later, a 'dark and stormy night'...David and i stood on the porch wondering what we could do to keep the old oak from falling down in the heavy wind. poor tree was struggling to stand already.

we feared there might be a leafy addition to our apartment that evening.

as we stood, Dave and Deb came out & this time the man could not avoid a brief, somewhat terse conversation with us as the danger was very real & something had to be done.

so the plan was that the HERO guys would somehow secure the tree while the women & baby waited in the back of the house. ok then. they did manage to tie the oak; i don't recall how.

and soon as they were done, so was the storm...

the air quiet, the night still & the giant oak stood.
Dave then said to us as we all surveyed the situation, "i have to apologize. i am so sorry. i wrote those letters. i don't even know why; and i AM sorry." David and i accepted the apology and told him we were glad he had changed his mind. and though we did not become close, we did manage to live peacefully side by side after that.

What a difference of perception a brush with disaster can bring.

Life is put into right order & priorities become clearer.

How good is this universe that allows such change?
i know that my life has been & continues to be one of reaching out by just 'being'. my life with David has put us into that same position time and again ~ of being able to help change minds and hearts. it's a GOOD thing.

Mison

Really cute event recently at ihop: our server was named Mison (Mee sone) and she started out being overly solicitous with us...irritating. She called me "beautiful young lady" ( i have noted that as i mature i am quite often referred to as young - conspiracy? condecension? attempt at flattery?). She looked at David and said "beautiful young man". hmmm.
The language thing (possibly Asian descent) probably made her search for masculine adjectives harder; but she tried.
I did have to do a bit of translation for D as he had a harder time understanding her.
When she had taken our order and walked away i said to David, "ohh my you beautiful young man, you".
During the meal a couple next to us left and Mison noted they had forgotten a cell phone. I said oh no and she grabbed it to try and catch them. When she returned, i asked if she had made it in time. She replied that they were actually driving away but stopped for a kiss and that is how she got to them. So i said "see how good kisses are?".
She sort of looked taken aback. Then she said yeah "but my husband does not think so".
This was said lightly but it appeared to be true.
D jumped in with "oh yeah kissing is really good - we do it all the time!"
She seemed genuinely impressed, saying that after 20 years of marriage, she and hubby had stopped doing that.
David and i both said together "try 40!".
Now her look was amazement. "40???!!!" Yes in March 2010 it will be 40!
When she recovered she talked more seriously and we, David and i, held a mini-counseling session right there in ihop.
As she left us i said 'you tell hubby you want to try more kissing'. David added a very philosophical statement and Mison looked to me to interpret.
I said 'i don't know! He says stuff like that.' She said "and you don't know what it means?"
"nope...but it keeps a bit of mystery alive."
She smiled and went away mumbling 'mystery, yeah, mystery.'
That was a good breakfast - started out irritatingly and ended up being cute.
I hope she took that bit of advice and that she and her husband are together, happily, at least another 20.

chapter 4 - get back

so here it was july of '70 and hot hot hot. let me tell you ... it was so hot driving across the desert that i was tempted to stop at the mirage i saw and swim with those ducks!
oh but how did we get the money to make the trip back to FW? David worked for a good man while he was in high school and that man, Mr Celli, had sort of taken David 'under his wing' and was really great to him. he loaned us his gas card so we could get repairs and gas.
hope Mr C knows how he helped us.
we arrived in time for the funeral and it was too sad to discuss here - at least now. we stayed with David's mom for a bit in the garage room out back. and we soon discovered that the nausea and faintness & inability to eat that i experienced was not the heat.
as nearly as we could figure, we conceived our son in the same moment that David's dad had died. that in itself is a special kind of miracle - to see both transitions: death and birth together.
our first goal after the funeral was to find work and an apartment. both were shortly accomplished. David found a job about the 3rd day in and i searched until i found the place i wanted. i did as i always had done w/o even realizing that lots of folks do not live as i did and would not understand ~ i envisioned having already found it. and it was there with the needed rent amount and the space as well as the area. i was working those MBO's early on!
we moved into our duplex around Sept, that year. very interesting time.
our neighbors in the house were a couple about our age with a baby girl. the wife spoke when she saw us but her husband was not so civil. in fact the extent of the lack of civility would be evident in time and then a miracle would occur that left us all with goose-bumps.
i will tell you of that change of heart episode when i get back in here...soon.

rationale

i realized somewhere along the grief-ing way that the other blog [grief and miracles] was getting pretty far from the original goal and mayhaps a new blog was in order.
now i grant that most of my life does constitute a miracle and it has encompassed a lot of grieving. but i want to use this space for all the wonders that i have seen and the years that have experienced me.
so i will attempt from this point to use the grief blog to share the continuing process with you. this will be for all the other stuff.
and even as i type that last bit i am somewhat perplexed myself as life never does fit into a neatly tied box with dividers for each segment or topic...those all run together and what is grief and miracle is also that which is "other stuff".
you get my drift i hope - if you know me you do.
gratitude for that.